The holiday\u2019s may be over, but that doesn\u2019t mean we get to stop talking about them. Anyone else out there struggle with anxiety over body image over this holiday season? If you did, check out what Erica Mather has to say about our feelings towards our own body image, especially related to the holiday season, and what you can do to avoid that icky body image angst in the future.<\/p>\n
There are a few times of the year when our body image anxieties reach a high pitch, and the holidays is one of them.<\/p>\n
Why? A few weighty reasons.<\/em><\/p>\n Let\u2019s take a look at each of these in succession.<\/p>\n How we look.\u00a0<\/strong>It\u2019s beyond natural to want to really make a good impression on friends and family that you\u2019ve not seen in a long time. Perhaps you\u2019ve gained some weight (not that I personally think that it a problem, but other people seem to still think it is). Perhaps you\u2019ve been sick, and it shows (again\u2013cause for compassion, not for judgement). You know you\u2019re not at your physical best. And you worry, because, not only does that dent your self esteem when you\u2019re already feeling down, but now on top of that, you\u2019ve forced into a situation where you\u2019re worried about what other people will think, and what they will say\u2013to your face\u2013and what they will say behind your back. It sucks.<\/p>\n Here are some suggestions.<\/p>\n IN PREPARATION:<\/p>\n AT THE EVENT:<\/p>\n How other people look.\u00a0<\/strong>Basic rule: it is none of your business. If you don\u2019t have something kind or gracious to say, then you best not say it! There is no real reason to comment on another\u2019s appearance. You can focus on\u00a0their person<\/em><\/strong>. After all, the body is just an aspect of the person. Say something honest, about them. Say:\u00a0I love you, and I\u2019m so happy to see you!\u00a0<\/em>Or if that isn\u2019t honest:\u00a0It\u2019s been so long! We have so much to catch up on. Tell me, what has been the highlight of the last year for you?\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n FOOD, FOOD, FOOD. SO MUCH FOOD!\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n If part of your body image anxieties revolve around food (how could they not??!) make an honest assessment of where you are with this issue, and then make a plan.<\/p>\n THE PLAN.<\/strong>\u00a0Here\u2019s my general plan. It might not work for you, we are different people with different histories and growth trajectories, but I offer mine as a sort of guidepost. Eat \u201cnormally.\u201d Meaning: don\u2019t NOT eat because there\u2019s going to me SO MUCH FOOD at dinner. No, no. That suggests a restrict\/binge cycle. Have breakfast. Have lunch. Then: eat \u201cnormal\u201d portions at dinner. Not bird portions. Not THREE helpings. Like, one plate. There will be leftovers. Plan on enjoying those in the days ahead. Or not. There will be another scrumptious meal in your near future.<\/p>\n THE ENERGETICS.<\/strong>\u00a0Here\u2019s something interesting I learned from my yoga teacher, Ana Forrest. Our energetic anatomy and our physical anatomy overlap. So, if the part of you that is busy taking in conversation, or energy from another person, the corresponding physical apparatus will be partially or fully offline. At these parties, there are often many people, and the energetic input is like a flood. Because of that, it makes it even harder for us to connect to the feelings of our actual stomach. When I can\u2019t detect my stomach, I make the decision not to eat too much, because I can\u2019t feel what\u2019s happening. This is the ONLY reason I will personally accept for not eating much at such events. Often people bombard their stomachs with too much food, in order to ground, or in order to get pulled back into the reality of the situation, or to try to feel something. Pay close attention. Take a break, in the bathroom to regroup, if you loose the capability to pay attention.<\/p>\n THE SOCIAL ANXIETY.\u00a0<\/strong>Recently, I\u2019ve noticed that I eat too fast when I\u2019m experiencing an energetic situation that I feel uncomfortable with. It\u2019s like, somewhere deep inside I\u2019m thinking \u201cwhen the meal is over, I can leave!\u201d because that\u2019s the way it worked as a kid. When the plate was clean, then I\u00a0might<\/em>\u00a0be excused from the table. I don\u2019t like the conversation: I eat fast. I\u2019m tired: I eat fast. I JUST WANT TO GET AWAY! GAH! Oh, my. This is very disconnected patterning.<\/p>\n This past Thanksgiving I commented on the \u201cspeed eating\u201d phenomenon to my cousin, and she laughed saying at a friend\u2019s dinner, they clocked it at fifteen minutes. FIFTEEN MINUTES! Ya spent all day cooking, and sit down to eat for FIFTEEN MINUTES?! Did anyone even CHEW?!<\/p>\n Tips to slow down:<\/p>\n Recognizing your anxieties and handling them head-on is an advanced, ADULT skill. Mostly we\u2019ve been taught to ignore\/deflect\/numb, and at the holidays, we are confronted uncomfortably with so many of our boogeymen. Uncomfortable, fraught relationships with people who are unkind or judgmental. Our own unkind thoughts about other people. People\u2019s assessments of us, and ours of them. Good grief. Of course I just want to eat fast and go home! It\u2019s fucking exhausting! Adulting is hard. But, we can do it!<\/p>\n Before I got better at really noticing that large groups of people\u2013not even necessarily family, just PEOPLE!\u2013make me uncomfortable, I would just position myself by the cheese plate, and eat the whole thing. The only people I ended up talking to were other people who loved cheese. So, they were already pre-approved. Haha.<\/p>\n Before I got good at noticing that I was eating away my loneliness and my desire for other, safe, human contact, I would eat entire cheesecakes in solitude, by myself. So huge was my appetite and its need to be filled. The problem seemed so intractable, it was easier just to solve with food. At least cheesecake is reliable. And safe.<\/p>\n The trouble with holidays, is the seem to be referendums on our entire life for the past year. And, often, when we\u2019re not working on ourselves, they catch us by surprise. Even if we ARE working on ourselves, and somehow feel like we\u2019ve fallen short of our goals (always a setup for disappointment\u2026try \u201csetting intents\u201d instead), they will catch us by surprise as we administer a hearty dose of flagellation.<\/p>\n The holidays don\u2019t have to be a referendum. It\u2019s just a yearly blip on the calendar. We can choose to cruise through them as such.<\/em><\/p>\n Or\u2013and I\u2019m not necessarily advocating this approach\u2013you can use them as a yearly check-in on how you\u2019re growing, changing, becoming more resilient. I started to know that I was getting better at it all when I could sit quietly with a glass of water and talk to people and \u201csort of\u201d enjoy myself. No more cheese plate stakeouts. Huzzah!<\/p>\n But that progress relied on a steady, year-in-year-out self-study and examination using the tools of yoga and therapy. If you don\u2019t have some tools, or support in place, the holidays will surely be as painful as they were last year. I think that\u2019s a shame, and wouldn\u2019t want that for you!<\/p>\n Which is why I put together a worksheet for you, to help you get started making a better relationship with your body. I call it The 5 Adoring Core Competencies.\u00a0CLICK HERE to get your free copy!\u00a0<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n NEXT POINT.<\/strong><\/p>\n The Gossip.<\/strong>\u00a0UGH. We\u2019ve all experienced it. You go into the kitchen, innocently looking for a glass of water, and there are your (fill in the blank relatives) talking about another relative. WHAT A DRAG.<\/p>\n \u201cDid you see what she was wearing\u2026?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDid you see how much she ate\u2026?\u201d<\/p>\n Sometimes,\u00a0sometimes<\/em>, people are talking about another out of true concern. But\u2013does the talk really help them? Probably not.<\/p>\n When I hear these sorts of conversations, or am involved personally in these conversations, what I\u2019m feeling for is the place of HELP for the person. If it isn\u2019t there, then I start to wonder what purpose this conversation is actually serving. Is it making the participants feel better about themselves by comparison? Is it creating a point of bonding for the people in the conversation, like they have something to concern themselves about together? Both of these are not good reasons to gossip, but they also show a deficit in social skills, specifically how to connect without doing it on the back of, or at the expense of others. This moment can be a teaching opportunity. A chance to elevate the awareness and basic decency in the world.<\/p>\n If the people try to drag me into the conversation, the only way I will get involved is if they can answer these questions: Is our conversation actually helping the situation? Does the person in question desire help in this regard? If the answer is NO to both,\u00a0then the conversation is a waste of time, and I would say as much.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n\n
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